Tuesday, May 31, 2011

God of All Comfort

I remember that I have an account of how God blessed me with finding this current job. As this job is reaching its end, I figured it's about time to keep another account of what's been going on with this job. (I’m quitting because I’m leaving for school in the US)

For all of you who read my complaints about my job on Facebook, you might be wondering "Is this what you called blessed?" Trust me, I felt the same way as you do. I was treated awfully with degrading insults, irrational orders, false accusations, been told to betray my work partner and been made a scapegoat.

But if you see it from a worldly perspective, I’m offered a sufficient salary which allows me to treat my friends for meals or snacks every once a while. That’s what I like to do - I like sharing with my friends, I’m happy when my friends are happy.

However, if I only see it from that worldly perspective of fair pay, I would as easily be selling my soul to the devil. What I’m paid for is the price of my hard work and my precious time spent on work. But I’m blessed with greater gifts during my time here, those are what God gave me for free, and they are what money can’t buy – They are sufficient skills, great comfort, strength and friendship.

Conflicts with my supervisor arose overtime. All I can say is that I did what I did based on my expertise to keep my conscience clear before God. But my persistence obviously angered my supervisor that it led to a couple of severe conflicts. However, God’s comfort has been with me.

Nevertheless, I believe that the greatest breakthrough I’m led to through my time at this job is the ability to confront. This ability was derived from the worst argument with my supervisor, and it pushed me to confront him boldly. It was the worst argument I ever had with any supervisor or elderly people.

Confrontation is not any part of my nature. I’m the second child in my family, and I had always been the mediator in between my parents and my brother. It’s my nature to compromise, to do as told. I’ve always tried to avoid any sort of confrontation. Although it felt awesome that I could finally speak up for what is right, and be true to myself. At the same time, I felt frustrated by the whole situation I was in.

One night, I got off work feeling depressed and numb. I couldn’t feel God, and I wondered why He has to put me through all these. “Isn’t it supposed to be a BLESSED job which you led me to?” I asked God, “You got away for the first few times with comforts, now what? What can you say to me this time?” I asked sharply and expected God to remain silence this time.

As I was driving on the highway, I was suddenly hit by a memory of the time when LC and her brother went to church with me. Her brother was bothered by the sermon, while I knew it was God talking to him. But because of my nature, I avoided talking to him ever after the sermon. I blamed myself afterwards of not having the courage to share the Gospel boldly, and I ASKED GOD TO CHANGE ME ON THIS!

I was so shocked by this memory, and it felt like the greatest mystery in history solved! I was shocked and touched, I felt God’s Love and togetherness which made me cry (I’m not ashamed to say that I cried my way home...). What I went through was actually a prayer answered, I know I would never be the same from that confrontation on, and I feel so blessed that God is always there to look out for me, to work things out for me. All the hardships that I went through are truly by the grace of God. I thought I'm called to serve Him, but what I do could never compare with what He has been doing for me. I'm so deeply touched by His love.

People (Me!) tend to think that being blessed means happily ever after, but it’s both true and false. Getting drunk may make you feel good for one night, but leave you with nasty hangover for the next day; money spending may give you the thrill for one afternoon, but leave you with debts for the following years; drug abuse may give you few hours of escape, but leave you with permanent damage. Only with God, the hardships He puts us through would lead us to the happiness that lasts forever, and when we are given those hardships, “He will also provide a way out so that we can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

“He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.” – Malachi 3:3

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